Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
