Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
