Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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