I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
