also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
