I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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