I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
