oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
