my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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