Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
