He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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