Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
