Betty ford says i'm here all night
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
