I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
