I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
