Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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