why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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