I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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