Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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