my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
