i was born a porn star she said
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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