just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
