fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
