i may or may not be watching the land before time
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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