I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
