We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
