Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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