I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
