Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
