what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
