I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
