i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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