Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
