I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
