My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
