I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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