Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need to calm my uterus...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
