I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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