from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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