we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
