I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
