Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
