I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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