smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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