It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
