"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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