Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
