hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
