I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
