Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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